


Will you ever know?

by EonaSPN



Series: Never know [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, M/M, POV Second Person, Regrets, Secret Child, Time Skips, mentions of mpreg, obliviate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-05-31 08:45:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19422520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EonaSPN/pseuds/EonaSPN
Summary: Harry's side of the story to "You will never know". I have been watching you for a long time, but I never got to talking to you. I never got to know the real you. I wished I had, so many things could have been different. Will you ever know how much I care for you, Draco?





	Will you ever know?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> 'You will never know' was originally written as a one-shot, but this was something I started writing when I had it finished. It stayed only halfway finished for quite some time until I continued writing it months later.
> 
> It's basically Harry's side of 'You will never know'. I am not really sure why it became nearly trice the length as the original though... I personally like the original better as well for some reason ;P
> 
> You can read this without having read 'You will never know' but some things will perhaps be unclear if you do.
> 
> Warnings for the usual: mentions of mpreg, mxm and technically major character death, but it's from old age, so I didn't use the warning tag.
> 
> Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously.

“Oy Malfoy, I heard you dropped out of the Quidditch team,” I yell after you in an afterthought at passing you in the corridor, a piece of news I found very surprising to say the least and slightly disappointing to be honest (Quidditch just isn’t the same when you’re not competing with me), “Why would you do that?” I want to know, is there something wrong with you?

“I don’t see why this is any of your business,” you stiffen for a moment, but then you hiss back at me.

“I just wanted to know. You always seemed so keen on beating me. You wouldn’t just stop like that.” Am I growing concerned over you?

“Beating you is really not worth my time,” you say haughtily, “You always just had luck on your side. Now do me a favour and go back to your loser friends, you are giving me a headache.”

“Piss off, you git!” Oh, how you annoy me, but on the other hand you always get under my skin so much faster than anyone else.

“Oh, you wouldn’t want the only person who actually spares you any attention apart from your two mindless puppets to leave, would you, Potty?”

There are enough people that give me their attention, but only because I am supposed to be their hero. The bloody saviour of the wizarding world. How I hate this title by now. You are actually one of the few people who actually see me as just ‘Harry’. So no, I don’t really want you to leave, but I am sick of yelling insults at each other. It is so often these days that I wish we could be friends, instead of enemies. Talking about everyday problems instead of fighting with each other. Sometimes I even question whether my decision to refuse your hand in first year, was the right one.

“Only because you don’t have friends doesn’t mean I’m the same, you bloody spoiled prat,” I scream back at you.

In fact, do you have friends? No matter when I see you these days, you are always alone. It seems sad to me. And you look slightly ill in recent time too.

“I have enough friends, thanks a lot, scarhead.” On we go.

“You have goons and people who throw themselves at your feet for a little pleasure, Malfoy.”

Your reputation as the Slytherin sex god. I am not sure whether I am supposed to be jealous of that (or of who). My whole life is filled with being prepared and playing the hero so I will one day fulfil my destiny and kill Voldemort to do so much as dating, not even thinking about sex. Besides I don’t think I have found the right partner yet.

“Well at least I have persons who would want to have sex with me and I’m not still a virgin like you!”

I blush. Do you need to point that out? There is some little thing nagging on my conscience at those words, but I ignore it. I never slept with anyone. Also something flashes through your eyes. I can’t tell what it is but it seems nearly like hurt or plain annoyance.

“And even if I am. At least I am not sleeping with everything on two legs in the vicinity.”

You only smirk at that, click you tongue and walk off as if nothing happened. I wonder why but a second later Ron claps me on the back, babbling something, probably about how I chased you off, but I don’t listen. I am way too captivated by the mystery that you represent to me.

~ * ~

“Mr. Potter, stop spacing out and pay attention, would you?” Professor McGonagall shouts at me from the front.

My head shoots up, being ripped out of my daze. I nod and mumble some apology. I try my best to stay focused but my thoughts always drift away. They drift to you. My eyes land on the empty chair on the Slytherin side of the classroom. You have been gone for over a week now. I have looked everywhere. You’re not in any classes, at your house rooms and not even in the hospital wing. I can’t even find you on the Marauder’s map. You just disappeared one day. Saturday I saw you at dinner in the great hall. Sunday you didn’t appear but that was not so unusual. But on Monday your seat in potions, the first lesson of the day, was empty. And it has been since.

I want to know where you are. I am not exactly sure why, but I need to know. I have been keeping an eye on you since the beginning of the year, mostly to find out what you were planning. But now? You are a risk for no one since you are gone. But I can’t stop my mind from straying to this subject. I wonder why you suddenly disappeared without a trace or warning. Are you dead? No, a corpse would have been found. Besides your parents declared you missing. Not even they know where you are, apparently. If you would have been killed or assigned to a mission by Voldemort, they would have known. So you really disappeared without a trace.

In all honesty you have been behaving weirdly for months now. You withdrew from literally everyone. You sat alone, spent more time with Snape in the evenings. You quit Quidditch which is unusual for you, because as far as I could see you loved playing as much as I do. I just now realise how much I have been watching you. I know the way your eyes light up when you fly after the Snitch. I know the way you drink your tea in the morning. I know how you start to tap your fingers when you’re nervous and so much more. Only your disappearance brought to my eyes how much I actually care for you.

Why is that? Do you know the answer? Would you tell me if you did? I hope you return soon so you can tell me. You know, I even went to ask Snape what happened to you, but he only threw me a look that held so much disgust that it nearly had me recoiling. But I want to see you again. I want to know what is up with you. I need to see you.

Where are you, Draco Malfoy?

~ * ~

The trials, today are the trials. Your trial and your parents’. Officially yours too that is, but no one is sure, since you are rumoured to be dead since our sixth year. You aren’t as it turns out, a painful stab piercing through me when I see you. You are still as beautiful as back in Hogwarts. All those emotions of two years ago are returning to me. My chest aches. What are those feelings? Did I… love you? Do I still? No, it can’t be, can it? I’m with Ginny now and happily, but why do I feel like this then.

No time to ponder over that now though, the trial begins.

~ * ~

Your father gets the kiss, no one could have stopped that, not even me. You don’t seem all that sad about it either and watch with an impassive face as the judgement falls. Narzissa is a different case though. Her mental health had been getting worse ever since you disappeared back then. By now she is something between insane and not aware of the world. She gets sent to St. Mungos for lifetime. This time I see emotion flitter over your face, but I can’t tell what it is exactly.

But you. You are mentally healthy and you are part of the Malfoy family. The judge wants to sentence you to Azkaban. Bullshit in my opinion. You were only sixteen when you disappeared and all the big events happened afterwards. You have never done anything wrong. Granted I was shocked when you revealed that you had the dark mark on your left arm. But during questioning under Veritaserum you said you were forced to do so by your father. The judge didn’t believe you, what an idiot, you are not capable to lie while under Veritaserum. But in the end, they believed me luckily when I spoke up for you. For once I am glad for my influence as the saviour of the wizarding world. It still took some convincing but in the end you were let go free. Thank god.

But again I can’t help but question why you are so important to me? As much as I want to deny it, I think I have some kind of crush on you. You standing before me causes more feelings to steer up inside of me than when Ginny presses up against me. It’s weird. Do I love you? Maybe. Will you ever know how I feel? I guess not, I am with Ginny and you are not even looking at me. I twitch when my inner eye brings up a picture of happy family life, only it’s not Ginny who is holding a new-born baby next to me and a small boy, but it’s you. My hands clench as I stare at your impassionate face. Why won’t you even look at me? You don’t care at all? I guess you don’t. Will you ever know how much I care about you?

I wanted to talk to you afterwards, but you just held your head high and marched past all the reporters, ignoring me still. All that was left for me was to stare after you.

~ * ~

The bustle of platform 9 ¾ is around us. Ginny is smiling and fussing over the children. I told her to stay home, but she wanted to say goodbye to me at the station. James is with Hermione so she only has to juggle two children but it is still a tad bit annoying. I really love my children a lot but I don’t need them in the middle of all this ruckus as long as they are still this young. So my eyes wander away from her and over the masses of people.

Until I spot a very familiar blond head. Immediately I shoot around. And there you are, Draco Malfoy. Standing in the middle of the crowd, bowing down and ignoring every disdainful look you get. To my surprise I spot a small boy as the reason why you are crouching. He looks about eleven years old, I guess he is beginning Hogwarts this year. He has your beautiful white-blond hair and your pointed face, but his eyes are a bright green which seems vaguely familiar as well, but I can’t place it.

Who is he? He looks a lot like you, you know. Is he your son? That would fit, but isn’t he a bit old? If he’s eleven years… If I would count back wouldn’t that be still in our school time? I doubt that. So your cousin or something like that? I never knew there were more Malfoys.

Somehow it hurts me when I think he could be your son. Why? I have three great children with Ginny to whom I am married happily. Well mostly. Sometimes I have the feeling something is missing. I can’t say what. I still mainly feel like a sister for Ginny, but that was what everyone was thinking would happen so I proposed to her and she was deeply in love with me either way, so it was perfect. Wasn’t it?

I haven’t seen you since the trials and haven’t spoken to you since our last fight back at Hogwarts. I miss your retorts from them. The challenge you provided me. That you didn’t see me as the saviour but only as Harry. I think even Ginny’s love is partly related to me being everyone’s hero. You never did care about that. I long for that so much. 

Do you know that I dream of you sometimes? It’s literally everything. From our first meeting, over our fights, the time I spent wondering about your disappearance, your trial, my thoughts about being in love with you and the lies I saw about you in the Daily Prophet. But that isn’t what shocks me, no that are different dreams. The ones where you are naked, laying under me and it feels so good, better than any time I spent with Ginny. She even caught me once during such a dream, luckily just thought I was dreaming about her. Nope, doesn’t happen, just for the record. Or those when I dream of having a family and growing old with you. It’s creepy, right? Not that I would ever tell anyone about those dreams. Surely not you. But sometimes I still want to talk to you, to understand you, to know more about you and your life nowadays. Will I ever get a chance for that?

~ * ~

Later I am sitting in the great hall, on the teacher’s table of course, watching over the children happily talking with their friends. Suddenly it goes silent when the door smashes open and the new transfiguration teacher marches through with a group of first years on her heels. Immediately I spot the blond head. The boy who was with you is walking in the middle of the group, looking nervous and talking with a small raven. Carefully I lean over to McGonagall, who is the headmistress now.

“That white-blond boy there. Who is he?”

“The first year? You mean Malfoy?”

“Malfoy?” I narrow my eyes, “I never knew there were more Malfoys than Lucius’ family.”

She looks at me a bit surprised, “Oh, there aren’t. All Malfoy children up until now are without siblings. Why are you asking?”

“But then,” I frown slightly, “Who is the boy then? Who are his parents?”

“His name is Orion Malfoy. He’s Draco Malfoy’s son, didn’t you know? No one knows who his mother is though. Why are you asking?” she repeats getting confused over my behaviour.

But my thoughts are elsewhere because the blond boy has just been called up and is putting the Sorting Hat on. It takes some moments in which the hat is talking but no one but Orion can hear him. Finally it calls out.

“Slytherin!”

It was to be expected, just not the long decision phase of the hat. As far as I remember the hat did barely touch your head back then before it called out ‘Slytherin’. Interesting, it only makes me more curious as to who the other parent is. The boy smiles though, puts the hat off and hurries over to the green and silver table, being happily greeted by his new housemates. He even shortly waves at the raven he talked with earlier, who was sorted into Gryffindor before him. My eyes never leave the young blonde. The stab in my chest when thinking about him being your son is still present.

~ * ~

From the first lesson on I can feel Orion’s magical strength. Were you similarly strong back then? I never noticed. I remember sitting at the front of my classroom as the Slytherin and Gryffindor first years trickled in. Suddenly I felt a magical presence much stronger than I expected in elven year olds. When I looked up I immediately spotted the blond head. Surprised I stared at him and couldn’t help but wonder who his mother was. Again I feel that strange sting in my chest at that thought but defiantly ignore it.

I teach your son for about two months until my curiosity gets the better of me. I constantly feel the urge to talk to him. Is it because he is your son? I never managed to get myself to stop talking to (or about) you, no matter how much we fought. So one day when he stays after the lesson to ask some more questions about our current subject I lead the conversation to the topic of his family.

“How is your father, Orion?” I try to be unsuspicious (I guess I fail; but I don’t really care, I want to know what you are doing these days).

“Why are you asking?” he looks up at me with a cautious expression.

“I went to school with him and I haven’t seen him for a long time. I just want to know what he has been up to these days.”

“Why would I tell you that? So you can taunt him or sell him out to the ministry by accusing him of practicing black magic again?” he asks back with a challenging gaze.

So you told your son about your past. You really changed, didn’t you? Your former self from our time in Hogwarts would have never told the own child such a shameful thing. Did you also tell him about his mother? No one else knows after all. Do you plan to take that secret to your grave?

“No, I would never do that. I am simply interested. I was the one who made sure he didn’t go to Azkaban. Did he never speak about me?” I try to soothe him.

Again that measuring gaze, “He did. He said you were his school-time rival. And annoying. With a saviour-complex.”

I can’t help but sweat-drop. That’s what you told your son about me? But I should have expected it, it’s just so you, that it makes me smile unconsciously. At least I heard no worse insults yet. And you still see me as Harry and not the saviour of the wizarding world. I still can’t help but be thankful for that even after all this time.

“But yes he told me that you saved him. I hope you don’t expect a thank you from me now for that. It was before the time I can remember,” he continues and does a good impression of your sneer.

“I don’t, don’t worry,” I smile, he is as difficult to get talking as you were, “I just want to know what he is doing these days.”

“He works for an apothecary now. Making potions and enjoys it,” he answers reluctantly.

Yes, potions was always your best subject. The only one where you could beat even Hermione (and me any time). And over the years I saw that it was not only Snape’s favouritism. Just in the last months before you disappeared in sixth year you suddenly seemed to want to keep away from the cauldrons. I am glad you can do something you enjoy now despite your bad past. But to be honest I am more interested in your private life even though the thought of you having a wife still sends a painful stab through me. I don’t understand it but I want to know. Maybe my (I hope) old crush rearing it’s head? Doesn’t matter I am married to Ginny now…

“And where do you live? Still at the Malfoy Manor?” I prod gently.

“No, daddy said the Manor was too dark. He sold it and built a new mansion twenty miles outside from London,” he answers carefully.

“I am glad. The Manor was really glum. I was there once and never want to go there again. Does your mother live with you?” Now on to the most important part.

Suddenly he glares at me, “I don’t know my mother. Lou lives with us, she is like my mommy. She has been there as long as I can remember. But I don’t see how this is any of your business.”

“I am sorry,” I immediately relent, “Thank you for telling me. I hope I didn’t take up too much of your time. I will give you an excuse slip for the next lesson.”

“No, it’s fine,” he smiles, the same fake smile you have perfected, “I have to get to potions now. See you on Friday for the next lesson, Professor Potter.”

“Yes, see you then. And don’t forget your homework,” I shout after him.

“Yes, I won’t,” he laughs and leaves the classroom.

That smile was so familiar but not from you. Talking about it, I don’t remember ever seeing you smiling genuinely. It’s sad if I think about it. I would have loved to see you smile. A real smile that is. Were you ever truly happy? Your childhood was, wasn’t it? I always thought you were a rich, spoiled child. But after finding out about how much you hid behind masks, I really don’t know what to believe about you anymore. Will I ever know the truth? I want to, but you would never tell me. What is your story, Draco Malfoy? Your childhood, what you really felt and thought during Hogwarts, why you disappeared and what happened to you afterwards. Your true story. I want to meet you so badly.

~ * ~

And I do, in Diagon Alley. I come from buying groceries for Ginny. She seems to like ordering me around and making me do her errands. I am nearly glad I spend most of my time in Hogwarts, but I wanted to see my children. There you are walking down the street. Your hair is shining so beautifully in the afternoon sun, my heart seizes up at your picture. Damn, I thought I got over that reaction to you long ago. I see you laugh about something your companion said. Your companion. For some reason my heart tightens again when my eyes wander to the person walking besides you.

It’s a woman. She looks a bit younger than us, one or two years probably. She is beautiful too. Long brown hair in one braid that sways behind her back, ending above the waist. She has a soft, angular face with smooth, slightly tanned skin. Then I look at her eyes. They are glinting happily, green with blue. But green. Like Orion’s. Is she his mother? But why would he say that he doesn’t know her? Maybe you are ashamed because you were still underage when you got her pregnant, judging by Orion’s age. You were sixteen and she what? Fifteen, probably. I don’t want to know.

I still can’t help but feel a twinge in my heart when I see her. Is that jealousy? Possibly. Because you two seem so happy. And I am currently pretty annoyed at my own wife and all you feel when you see me is anger and disgust. Instinctively I move towards you and whoever the woman at your side is.

“Malfoy!” I shout down the Alley.

I see you automatically freeze. My heart skips a beat too. Do you still hate me that much? The brunette next to you lays a hand on your arm and I can just keep myself from glaring at it or her directly. She is levelling a calculating stare at me behind a mask of polite smiles. Am I really being jealous of the woman who is allowed to stay by your side while I am nothing but your former enemy? Alright, I admit that I am. But I guess you will never know that in this moment I want to be your friend. That I even want to be in her place. That you look and laugh at me like you do at her. That I am the one at your side.

“Potter,” your voice is cold when you turn towards me.

The pain is back at being treated like that by you. What is wrong with me? Why am I reacting to you like that? Suddenly thoughts from when I was seeing you at the trials come back to me. Did I love you? Do I still? Is that why I feel envious of that girl? But I am married to Ginny, a woman. I am married to Ginny…

“I haven’t seen you for ages,” I say, smiling happily at being able to talk to you, “How’s it going?”

“I am fine. You?” you answer shortly, I swallow at the bitterness in your voice.

“Great. I love my job and my kids,” I grin at you, trying to pretend happiness, even though your coldness is gripping my heart. I probably look like an idiot right now, I was never as good as you at pretending, “You have a child too, don’t you? He’s in Hogwarts already. Orion was it, right?” I inquire about your son who I came to know over the last year.

You nod but somehow keep silent. Strange, I would have suspected a snide remark now. If it were anyone but you I would suspect they were hiding something. But you are just like that aren’t you? You have probably lived your whole life behind a mask and with more secrets than I can imagine. I sincerely do not envy you. I think that sounds lonely. Will you ever know that I want to know all of that about you? That I want to relieve any loneliness you feel? No, you don’t. And you never will because you would never accept it and you have that brunette woman now.

“Are you married? Are you Orion’s mother?” I ask, turning to the woman besides you with a strained grin, asking the question which pains me the most.

She smiles politely, “No, I am just a friend. Nothing more. Orion’s mother died long ago.”

I can’t help but release a breath in relief. So she isn’t your lover or wife then. I don’t even need to question why I feel such relief at that revelation. So she is most likely that Lou-person Orion talked about. Something like his adopted mother. But hearing that you lost a lover is sad. Just another bad thing that happened to you. Did you ever have luck in your life?

“Oh, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t know how I would feel if Ginny died,” I say sympathetically.

Uh, yeah, I guess. I would be sad, sure. I lost a sister, a good friend but I probably wouldn’t feel the pain of losing a lover. In all honesty sometimes I am really annoyed with my marriage. The love we felt the day we married disappeared quite some time ago. At least for me. I guess she is still fawning over her hero like the first time we met. I love my kids though, very much, and I am thankful to her for giving them to me. 

But do you know what I found out two years ago? Every magic person can carry children, even wizards. Seamus and Dean surprised us with inviting us after the birth of their first child. Shocked me actually. But I guess you knew, you grew up in the wizarding world after all. That led to a whole new set of thoughts flowing through my head. Firstly I can’t help but thinking that I could have had a child with you if I had ever gotten around to talking to you.

It also made me think about another possibility for Orion’s parentage. His ‘mother’ could have been a male too. It could have even been you yourself. That would at least explain your sudden disappearance. The time fit. Granted I already suspected that you left to be with whoever carried Orion. Still if I assume you carried him (which sends one hell of a painful stab through my chest), you must have slept with another male. Enough of a shame to run away and hide the child from everyone? But you love him I could see that at the station and in his behaviour, so not a shame. Besides Orion always talks about his ‘mother’, not ‘father’ or ‘other father’. So there was a woman. Who? I want to know. I care. Will you ever know how much I care for you?

Lou makes polite conversation with me and I answer with half an ear. My eyes come to rest on you more than her. You look away from me, seemingly bored. But I notice your hand is interwoven with hers. Well what did I expect? She is an important person and I am only your former enemy.

After some time, we break the conversation up and Lou says her goodbyes. I smile too. She pulls you out of my line of sight into a side lane. I am again left to stare after you. Will you ever know I look at you whenever I can? Will you ever know that I want to know all about you? Even want to be by your side?

~ * ~

Only a friend, bullshit! I glare heavily down into my glass of firewhiskey. The sounds of the pub ring around me but all I can think about is that you married Lou. She was not just your friend. Your lover, maybe your fiancée. 

Liar! Why didn’t you just tell me? I had to hear it from Orion happily telling his classmates that he finally got his mommy officially. That Lou finally married his father. He loves her to bits and she’s good for him. I hate her sometimes. But in all honesty I know I have no right to do so. I could have chosen to act differently. You could have too, but it’s all in the past now. There is no use in thinking about it now. And she seems like a nice woman as far as I could see. As long as you can be happy I will be content.

~ * ~

Life goes on. I get to know Orion well. He’s a bright and strong boy. I know you’re proud of him, I can see it. My chest hurts when I hear him bouncing around, giddy about his new baby sister. Just a friend, bullshit. You even have a child together now. I even meet the girl later when she comes to Hogwarts. Smart witch who lands in Gryffindor actually. That was a surprise for anyone around. A Malfoy in Gryffindor? The shock of the century (I am happy though). I’m pretty sure if Lucius could he would have rolled in his grave. I see you only at the station. My chest feels so tight every time I do. It hurts. Will you ever know how much it hurts me to see you with her?

Ginny and I are starting to drift apart as well. I try my best, but it just doesn’t feel as right as it did once. She is still fawning over me and I am getting annoyed by it. As soon as all of our children are at Hogwarts I spend as much time there as I can. She is angry because of that, but to hold up our marriage we stay put.

Do you know I slept with a male once? Why am I even telling you that? Anyway, I got drunk at the Leaking Cauldron and one of the guys tried to hit on me. Not that I resisted so I went to a different club with him. To dance and drink some more. There (half-drunk) I even voluntarily flirted with other men. Didn’t feel bad at all if I’m honest. Until the one I then slept with. You can guess what hair and eye colour he had. Light blond and ice blue. I am seeing a pattern here. Ginny doesn’t know and it is to stay that way.

I miss our time in Hogwarts. Even our fights. Will you ever know how much I crave your presence? Will you ever know how much I care?

~ * ~

No, you won’t. Because you die earlier than me. Wizards usually live up for up to over 100 years but you don’t, just like your wife. Lou died in an accident two years earlier. You on the other hand die peacefully in your sleep from what I could find out. I am at your funeral, you know. Disguising myself though. No need to create a new headline for the Daily Prophet after all. Even now they are still haunting each of my more significant moves.

Anyway back to the main topic. You’re dead now. I honestly cried when I heard the news. I am sad, really sad. And I feel like I missed out on so many chances I could have had. I am standing here and watching your casket being lowered into the ground next to Lou’s. They said you died so early (for a wizard that is) because your body couldn’t deal with the remaining damage from torture from younger years anymore. Mostly your heart giving up from damage of too many Crucio curses.

I never knew you were tortured? By who? Voldemort is my only guess. No one ever knew, did they? The loss of the last person you confided in was the last straw for you I guess. You could have depended on me, you know? Why did you leave without giving me the chance to understand you? I miss you already.

Will you ever know that I loved you?

~ * ~

One last thing. You idiot! Bastard! How could you hide that from me? I am standing in front of your grave, ranting. Why did you do that?

Orion came to me yesterday. He handed me a letter. I am well over 100 now so I guess he wanted me to see it before I died. It was the last thing you wrote apparently before you left this world. He seemed ashamed when he gave it to me because the letter said to never tell me. But according to him he felt that I had a right to know.

And damn right I do! Why did you never tell me that Orion is my son? No mysterious woman who you slept with in our sixth year. Bullshit! It was you who carried and birthed him. And it was me who you slept with. My memories still aren’t back, you bastard. All I know is what you wrote to Orion. And that’s not much. But I want to know the details of what happened that night. And the morning after. Why you deleted my memories, why you never told me. You really took that secret into the grave with you. Lou knew I assume. Who else? Snape? Blaise or your friends? At least I solved the riddle why you disappeared in our sixth year. You left to give birth. God, why did you never tell me what happened. I would have stayed with you!

Have you ever though what I would feel? I snort. I guess you did and that’s what landed us in this situation. Now that I think back, my thoughts land on that argument we had over why you quit playing Quidditch. Solved that too, but you must have been pregnant while we shouted insults at each other. I can only imagine how painful that must have been for you. Why, Malfoy, no Draco? Why? I cared so much for you. Did you feel differently? No, you wouldn’t have slept with me and tried to spare me the embarrassment afterwards if you did. I would have loved to take care of Orion and you. To become a family with you. Instead I had to wait until our grandchildren married.

You are such an idiot, Draco! I am so angry. There is going to be such a lecture once I follow you into the afterlife. And it’s not going to take long if my heart continues to rage like it does currently. Wouldn’t that be an ironic death for the saviour of the wizarding world? Slumped over the grave of his school-time archenemy and also one true love.

Indeed it is, I think as I feel my vision dimming. You know, I am really proud of Orion. He became a great Auror. He could go the way I didn’t have the strength to anymore. He has a great husband and children. And grandchildren. He’s close to hundred as well after all. That’s what comes from having children as teens. They follow too soon after your own death. Not for you that is, I say as my knees give away and I use your headstone as a support, you went ahead. Susanna, your daughter is a great girl too. You and Lou did great with her. She helps people at St. Mungos. And her son married my granddaughter.

Now to you and your wife. First I guess I have to say sorry to Lou for being angry at her all this time. I stole my own chances at being with you, not she. She just looked after you when you needed someone to be there. I wasn’t, she was. And she did great with Orion, our son, and your own child. You chose her well. I also have to thank her for taking care of you. But I can talk to her after I am finished with you. I will say everything I never could while you were still alive. I am not going to forgive you easily for never telling me the truth, but that’s not the most important thing. It is that you finally learn how much I care for you. That I want to be with you.

That’s my last thought as my vision turns completely black and my whole body gives away. My awareness leaves me as I land next to your grave in the grass. I doubt they will bury me here though. Pity. But that’s for them to take care of. I am finally free of all my responsibilities. Of my masks and false truths. You know all about that, don’t you? How about in death we finally shed all those masks and just be truthful to each other? How does that sound to you? At least to me it sounds great. Even if Ginny is waiting for me there, I want to be with you.

So that you finally know that I love you, Draco Malfoy.

**Author's Note:**

> That's it. Thanks for reading.
> 
> Hope you liked it. Comments and Kudos are always appreciated.


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